My sister in law teaches Pilates. I think she sometimes teaches Yogalates. For those of you that are really smart you know what that is, for those of us that need a little help, it is Yoga and Pilates combined. If it had been spelled Yogalattes, it would be yoga and coffee studio/shop. Like Joe Namaste, Down Dog Coffee, Namastea and Coffee, Bean to Yoga? But there is no coffee involved. What is involved are several exercises designed to focus on your abs and your butt.
I took a Pilates class yesterday and after about fifteen minutes I realized I had absolutely no business being there. My abs were shaking, I had tremors in my legs, I think I may have farted while trying to sit up, I can’t breathe, I’m not sure if I am crying or sweating profusely, my vision is blurry, I’m pretty sure my butt crack can be seen by the people behind me, I have a cramp in my right calf that is causing my toes to curl which the instructor notices and kindly commands ‘straighten out your foot’ and I can see my reflection in the mirror. So I take my glasses off.
The instructor is telling us that we will all be so glad that we are doing this now because it will soon be time for Cheetos and Martinis. I said “Cheetos and Martinis? I’m in for that!” And with great relief I think, I can do thirty more minutes of this if there are Cheetos and martinis at the end. It gave me a little burst of energy. For those of you that are smart, you know this isn’t true for those of us that need a little help reality is going to deal us a harsh blow.
You see, I must have been in a near delirium state because what the instructor actually said was “It will soon be time for Speedos and bikinis.”
And as the other students chuckle at my humor I am thinking I can get through the last thirty minutes of this class because I won’t be back. Ever.
Unfortunately ‘my great sense of humor’ left a mark and as everyone began filing out the door, passing me as I lay prone on my mat praying, they commented on how much fun it was to have me in class. Some, thinking they were super funny and original said, “Haha, I’ll bring the Cheetos, you bring the martinis.” Hahahaha.
But, the scariest, meanest, most horrible thing I heard, from almost everyone, including the instructor?
“See you tomorrow!”