What to Get People For Christmas

I have decided this year to help everyone out with a little list of gifts you can get the many personalities on your list this year. 

For the little stinker:

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Poo-Pourri. One spritz and no one will know your business. This product is really more for the male stinkers on your list…us girls don’t make stinky doo doos.

For the Walking Dead Fan:

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A Zombie lawn statue. Garden gnomes beware.

For smokers you know that live in colder climates:

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The Smoker’s Mitten. In case you are wondering, the mitten can go on either hand, so it doesn’t matter if your smoker friend is left or right handed.

Here’s a little something you can get for your weight conscious friends. Sometimes the number on the scale can be intimidating when you are dieting. 

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The Animal Scale. Let’s hope you weigh more than a kitten but less than a bear…maybe you need to lose a few ducklings?

Here’s a cute gift for the little ones on your list.

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The Teddy Bear lamp. Now that I think of it, no nursery is complete without a decapitated Teddy Bear Lamp, perhaps you could put this on your expectant parents gift list too. So much more original than something pink or blue. 

This next one is the purrfect gift for the busy pet owner in your life.

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The PetPetter. You pretty much don’t ever have to touch your pet again! And I knew you were going to ask, yes it does indeed work for those that own farm animals.

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This next one will fill a need that has long been overlooked. Have you ever packed a banana in your lunch? If you have, chances are it not looking as pretty as it was when you packed it. Now you can enjoy that banana just as it was when you left home!

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The Banana Guard. Yes, I am thinking what you,re thinking and the answer is yes, it does come in other colors.

For the golfer:

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The URoClub. When you are drinking and ‘driving’ sometimes the next outhouse is farther than your bladder can handle. Privacy towel included. Also works for those embarrassing moments when you realize your fly is open and you want to discreetly rezip. 

This next one is just brilliant. In these economic times people sometimes fear that their money might not be safe in a bank anymore. We all know that burglars check under the mattress right away so where is the next best place to hide your millions?

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In an Underwear safe of course. Skidmarks provided as an extra precaution. (Caution, if this is washed you could be considered as laundering money, therefore this is not intended for young children.)

Sticking with the money theme. 

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The Bacon Wallet. And because it is such an awesome gift the marketers wanted to insure that if the mere mention of bacon was not enough to lure all red blooded men they would show a woman in a bikini holding the wallet…because that makes a lot of sense (cents). The marketers for items that lean towards men have it so easy.

For the allergy ridden animal lover:

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For the overly precautious you could combine this with the PetPetter.

I had a hard time coming up with gifts for the youngsters that may be on your lists and this next one is so…interesting…that a picture doesn’t do it justice, it has a YouTube video. As this is a Disney toy I feel confident that it is a sure winner. Now make sure no curious little eyes are peeking over your shoulder, you don’t want to spoil the surprise.

Rad Repeatin’ Tarzan

Nice thing about this is I don’t think he will need Jane…

I am sure if you give any one of these gifts you will be the talk of the family! Someone may even suggest to you that you let them purchase gifts for you next year but don’t you let them steal your thunder! 

I would be remiss if I didn’t list two of the most dangerous toys on the market. Under no circumstances should you ever, ever purchase these. Purchase of these toys has caused massive hysteria and resulted in numerous deaths. 

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Happy shopping!

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2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Janie Read
    Dec 11, 2013 @ 09:54:48

    Thank you for the list. Quite fascinating! Already have the poo spray Really does work.

    Reply

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