It wouldn’t be normal in this house if someone wasn’t worrying about weight.
Currently there is more than one someone.
Someone forgets that losing weight does not happen over night. Someone needs to remember that small steps are needed to conquer large obstacles.
Here are some small things you can do to weigh less.
1. When you step on the scale do it fully clothed. Get off the scale, remove ALL clothing. Step on the scale. You lost weight!
2. Do NOT order a second onion loaf at Hackney’s when there are only three of you at the table and two have already said they won’t eat more.
3. Do not drink juice. Eat the actual fruit or have water, each alternative saves you 100 calories.
4. Exercise for at least 30 minutes every day.
5. Do not come up with lame excuses for not doing number four, I know you, you are not that busy.
6. Did you know that when you watch TV your metabolism is slower than if you were just sitting doing nothing. Do not watch TV, just sit there and do nothing.
7. There really is something to be said for eliminating carbs. If you skip desserts, don’t eat bread or potatoes or anything white (except snow, you can still eat snow) for one week I’d be will to bet you lose a pound. (This is for people in my household specifically, some of you out there don’t need to lose much weight, one week carb free may or may not help you, you might do better with some laxatives or diuretics.)
8. When eating a lumber jack breakfast at Paul Bunyan’s in The Dells, four donuts is too much. And yes, you should skip the biscuits and gravy all together.
9. Let’s say you want to eliminate 100 calories a day. If you do this for one year you will lose about 10 pounds. This is completely negated if you continue to eat cake, brownies, ice cream, onion loaves, donuts and bacon.
10. Pick one day a week to indulge in one treat. This means one day and one treat. If you pick Saturday to eat pizza and you have cake on Tuesday your one day, one treat is over. No pizza on Saturday.
11. If you are eating with your family and they are unable to eat all their french fries DO NOT EAT THEM! Even when they say “I feel bad throwing this away, if everyone just ate one they’d be gone”. JUST SAY NO. It is okay to leave food on your plate. Restaraunts give us HUGE servings to justify charging large amounts of dollars. These establishments are in cahoots with the government and insurance companies and doctors in order to keep us fat…and look at us, their evil plot is working!
12. Thin people eat breakfast.
13. Thin people often leave food on their plate.
14. Use celery to eat hummus or salsa instead of chips. (this will save you over 100 calories)
15. Only eat the serving size. Do not guesstimate what the serving size looks like, if it says one cup, measure it. I thought I was eating one serving of cereal in the morning, I measured, I was eating two!
16. Always eat a salad before a meal.
17. If you are full stop eating.
18. The fake sugar in diet soft drinks is calorie free. So you feel like you are being good. Alas, the fake sugar is sooooo much like real sugar that your brain cannot tell the difference. Eating sugar makes you crave more sugar. If your brain thinks you are eating sugar you will crave more sugar. Drinking sugar free soft drinks makes you crave more sugar. It is not good to crave it, because as we all know you are a weak human that loves instant gratification, the craving will win and you will eat something bad which negates the sugar free beverage. Stop the insanity, don’t drink soda at all.
19.The cabbage soup diet makes one gassy. Please, please, please, do not try this at home.
20. One screw up does not define the rest of your week. It only defines that one hour. You indulged, it was good, it’s over. Get back on track.
21. Just because everyone will eat all the onion rings in two Onion Ring Towers at Red Robin doesn’t mean you should order them. If you do (or did whichever the case may be) order them you will eat 600 more calories than you would have if you hadn’t ordered them. To burn 600 calories you will need to JOG (not walk) for ONE HOUR.
22. One row of Oreo cookies is not one serving. Nor does eating the whole bag make a meal.
23. Do not sit down to write a post about small things you can do to lose weight at 8:00 on Saturday morning and use that as an excuse not to go to Pilates at 9:00.