It has recently come to my attention that I may be a nerd. I have been called a lot of things in my life but I made it well into my 40’s before I heard that one. My loving husband said it. “You’re a nerd.” What? I was shocked. It kind of got my goat. I most certainly am not a nerd. I wear high heels, I have great outfits, I have a stylish haircut and I don’t use cumbersome diction when I articulate.
Furthermore I have been accused of having cat lady tendencies…you can’t be both, right?
My retort? “Nerds stick together. Nerds marry nerds. If I am a nerd, you are a nerd.” I think I am the sly girl, he is going to deny this fact, who admits to being a nerd? But Bob agrees. He says he is a nerd. Clever man. This almost threw me off track. But I have arguments against this. Bob is a contractor, he wields mighty hand tools, he owns more than one drill and a chainsaw, he drives a truck. Indisputable evidence against being a nerd.
These facts settle it in my mind. There is no way my very masculine husband is a nerd. If my husband is not a nerd, I am clearly off the hook. But in the back of my mind I can faintly picture my manly man riding a scooter with white socks and dark shoes….Irecall him having entire conversations using Disney movie lines…
I think maybe I need to bring in witnesses. To further prove my case I present my loving children. I share this hysterical misconception with them. “Can you believe Bob thinks I am a nerd?” I did not get the response I expected. I got the look from one of them. That look of “Really mom, are we going to go down this road? You are an idiot and I wish we didn’t share the same blood.” That look.
I never liked that child anyway so I look for support from the other two. One is sniggering and the other is intently doing something on their phone and not meeting my eye.
What? Now they are all ganging up on me? I AM NOT A NERD!
They launch their lame argument. And it is so lame-o. I am not even going to embarrass them by listing what they say is ‘evidence.’ (I am gracious, nerds are not.) I do not need to stoop to petty bickering…the force is strong in me.
I will admit to possibly being a technology geek with great fashion sense who has a predilection to her cat but I am not a nerd.