Bob is a very big guy. Some people have even said he is the biggest guy they know. And no, this is not a comment on his overweightness. He is admittedly over weight and yet most people are surprised to learn he is trying to diet. He carries extra weight very well. Unlike me where a mere extra five pounds is broadcast for all the world to hear. But, I digress.
Bob, for all his maleness and size, has a weak stomach when it comes to talking about certain things. Like the details of my mothers double knee replacement. Did you know they saw the old knee out and add a rod that goes up into the bone of your leg? He dropped his fork and covered his ears. I was telling one of the children that to do Grampa’s brain surgery they had to remove a chunk of his skull. Bob stops eating and says, if you continue this conversation I am going to throw up. I was once talking about my first time getting stitches. I sliced my leg so deeply that the fat from my leg was exposed. I was looking at it thinking it was lotion that I had somehow not rubbed in well. He was unable to finish his dinner.
Bob is such a delicate flower when it comes to gross details that discussing ‘female’ things can set him off. Did I mention we have four daughters between us and the woman he lives with is peri-menopausal? Girls, especially girls in groups, can get down and dirty with the best of them. These discussions are as common as the sunrise and twice as frequent in our house. No menstrual conversations are tolerated and we are definitely not allowed to discuss irregularity, heaviness or ‘flow’.
We went for dinner last night with the only daughter that is currently in the house, Ellen. The place was not crowded. In fact it was so quiet that two tables over we could very clearly hear the waitress detailing her recent carpal tunnel syndrome surgery to the couple she was serving. From diagnosis, to anesthesia to cutting into the flesh and moving tendons around.
Bob looks at me and says ‘Really? Is it okay to talk about stuff like that in a place where ketchup is on the table?’